he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
