Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
