am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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