im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
