Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
