It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
