I could make wine with my vomit
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
