We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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