also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
