im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
