I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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