I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
