that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
