Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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