Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
