I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
