addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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