Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
