Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
