Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
