I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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