You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
