we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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