I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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