toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
