I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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