Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
