Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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