Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
