Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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