Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
