I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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