the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
false alarm, still single
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
