just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Green mimosas i think yes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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