Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
