oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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