Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
