I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
