I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
