HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
