420 ftw
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
