so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
