There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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