Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
