Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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