Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
