Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
ttyl tear gas
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
