tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
