I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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