The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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