Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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