Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
