Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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