I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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