I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
